Thursday, September 20, 2012

Selfish Shellfish

I’ve been struggling with something lately and maybe if I write about it on my modern day manifesto, it will be resolved. Maybe? Well, if not at least Mom will call and make me feel better about it…

So, the issue is selfishness. Sometimes I feel selfish for being here and away from everyone and everything I love. My time in London is fully validated with the classic excuses of the many benefits of higher education: “I need a MA to work in a good museum”, “higher pay once I’m working”, “it’s what I love”, “it looks good on a resume”, “enlightening my brain and expanding my mind” (okay, I just threw that last one in there…), etc, etc. However, these quick responses to inquiries about my grad school choice are just not cutting it for me.

It has been almost a full month and I have started to realize this is not a vacation; this is a life that I’m building here for myself. I’m not studying abroad and just living it up as much as I can; this is real world stuff going on. As these realizations settle in and I slowly come to grips with them, I find myself questioning the motives of my London adventure. Many times, when thoughts of friends and family come into my mind, I wonder if I’ve made the right decision in being so far away. Is this really how it is supposed to be? A scratchy phone call with Momma every few days if I’m lucky…A blurry Skype video call once a week just to remind you what I look like…Picture messages to see how quickly my baby cousin is growing up… These things are real blessings (God bless technology!) but it is still an inner struggle of whether or not all the distance is worth it.  Is my move to London truly worth the sacrifice of being around the people I love? Is this selfish choice to go so far away worth all the loss or pain it may cause? My family needs me! My friends need me! Lilly the dog needs me! How ever will Winston survive without me???? Oh wait, the world goes on with or without me? Wow. What a shocking realization.

Welp, I’ll quickly shut my conscience up and remind myself that sometimes selfishness is a necessary evil. When we are selfish, we benefit ourselves and when we benefit ourselves we will benefit the people we love now and in the future. London, right at this moment, is a chance for me to be me and live and thrive and grow into exactly who I want to be for the rest of my life. I’ve got this time for myself and I rarely will get a similar opportunity. Living this London adventure is not just for future Lisa but for my future job, my future hubby (my partner-in-crime), my future family, my future friends, and my future life. My whole life will be benefitted from this selfish act of moving thousands of miles away from everything I know and love deeply.  My time in London will forever leave a lasting impact on not only me but also my life as I progress throughout it. So cheers to the unbelievable city that is London and this selfish adventure that is slowly sinking in as reality..

Cheers y’all, Lis

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